Let's Review

Being a mother of 5 is undoubtedly the most challenging job I hold. Of course, it also happens to be the only job I currently hold, unless you count being a wife, and today’s a good day, so I won’t count it. Tomorrow may not fare the same.

My children are 2 months, 2 years, 4 years, 6 years, and 7 years. Although I dye my hair, it’s not for grey, only vanity. My temper is mostly in check. My patience, no thinner than normal. Although, I can’t promise my normal would equal anyone else’s normal. I did, after all, have 5 children.

It’s days like today, when the youngest is asleep, the next two are relaxing and watching tv (not for long enough to give me guilt), and the oldest two are playing peacefully (or at least quietly) upstairs, that I feel solid in my sanity and even pride in my abilities. Seeing as though this is my job, I deserve a review of sorts. In the end, there will be no demotions or promotions. No raise. No celebratory lunch. There will probably be self back pats and self-initiated hugs from the children. And really, that’s quite rewarding in itself.

I did mention today is a good day.

The only thing that could make this job “perfect” would be a monetary compensation simply because it does, as they say, “make the world go ‘round”. And more importantly, buy Lucky Charms and frozen chicken product. Alas, the only thing consistent and dependable about this job is the stress level and sleep-depravity. Onto the review.

My responsibilities are my children, obviously, and the various animals also residing here. The animals are still alive, and the children somewhat happy. + 8 points (one for each subject).

Their nourishment has been adequately supplied, and mostly with healthy choices. I’ve ensured they all have enough energy and yet not so much to disturb the delicate balance that is my sanity. + 10 points (discerned from a too-long-to-reference algorithm)

Their entertainment is self-provided at the moment. Given the rarity and instability of this task, success is obvious and absolute. +50 points (same formula).

The noise level of the house can currently be assessed as “dangerously quiet.” I’m erring on the side of throwing-all-caution-to-the-wind, and calling it a success. + 40 points

The cleanliness and organization of children (and pets) and home cannot be determined at this time, as walking from room to room constitutes imminent danger. + 10 for prior success in this area.

So with an overall 118 points, I declare my job well done, and up to snuff. As a result, I will continue on in the same capacity with inconsistent day-to-day results, but overall most goals achieved and maximized. As the oldest two fight over which Barbie belongs to whom, our four-year old grows frustrated at Diego once again losing Mama Scarlet Macaw, the 2 year old attempts to change her own diaper, and the baby roots at his own forearm, it seems this review ended none too soon. The celebrations will have to wait…at least until tomorrow.