Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Doh!

I’ve happened upon another hypothetical situation I thought I’d share.

So, there’s a 3-month pregnant wife suffering discomfort in her lower back due to pregnancy-related growth and expansion. She’s engaging in an odd frog-like stretching position in the family living room in an attempt to quell the pain. Her loving, and very thoughtful, husband notices the situation and voluntarily crosses the room and begins to rub her back. He simply wants to help his wife, and possibly quiet her whining. It’s a win-win situation.

And then it happens.

Wife thanks him for his kindness and makes a small joke about her widening midsection, saggy pants, and unflattering position. They both cautiously chuckle at her “plumber-like” appearance. To which the loving and very thoughtful husband then adds:

“I can see your stretch marks too,” and proceeds to attempt to cover said marks by adjusting her clothing.

Sigh.

Wife tenses.

Husband “umms”, “errrs”, and “uhhs” for a good 10 seconds.

And life goes back to normal.

Personally, I think the hypothetical wife should remind the hypothetical husband of their 3 ½ hypothetical children and how they came to be, and then send him out into the sub-freezing night air for ice cream, but that’s just me.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Not trying to be funny, but I would have read that as a signal for a massage that may lead to a lot more fun. :)

Mike said...

Yet again, my bid for Husband of the Week goes up in flames.

I've actually spent the last six hours trying to turn 'stretch marks' into something less offensive.

I can see your fetching arcs? Too vague - although close enough to 'nice rack' that it might work....

I can see your catching farts? Doesn't really flow, and probably as offensive as the original sentence...


Umm... what kind of ice cream would you like?

LLL

Jim Cota said...

The most amazing part of these stories is that he just keeps doing it... he's beginning to show signs of some odd addiction. Footmouthiopia? Illremarkosis? Idiotelepsy?

Or maybe it's just plain stupidity.

Hard to tell.

angela marie said...

Men.

Hard to know why we love them so.

Suzanne said...

I'm rather fond of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia...could you have him pick me up a pint while he's out?
thanks

Brian and Rachel said...

ok is this pregnancy taking it's toll on you b/c we haven't heard anything new. Just wondering b/c you are missed. I hope everything is OK!

~Ivy said...

No doubt! Never forget when I was in labor with my oldest. As dear hubby was speeding to the hospital b/c my contractions were on top of each other. I remind him if he gets into a wreck we wont get there any faster and he says ,"But you havent had a contraction for the last 20 minutes".. Okay honey! Just b/c you cant feel them doesnt mean they aren't there!

MEN! I'll listen to their comments on pregnancy and labor once they are able to squeeze a 9 pounder out of themselves.

And hi! I just happened upon your blog today!