Monday, December 20, 2004

Men: They Really Are From Mars.

When will men get it? No, not periods. Not menopause. A clue. When will they understand that there is a fine line they walk with their women, and there are dire consequences if they cross it?

Let me present you with a hypothetical.

So, husband and wife are getting ready for bed together, doing all the usual: brushing teeth, washing off makeup. You know the drill. The wife just happens to be having a break-out of sorts that leaves her not exactly at her most attractive once the makeup comes off. Husbands, should you:

a. Admire her bravery in allowing you to see her in this state and comment as such.
b. Pretend all is normal, tell her she’s beautiful, but suggest you turn off the light to conserve energy.
c. Point, stare, laugh, tell stupid jokes referencing pizza, maps to the stars, or third eyes.
d. Look away. Go on about your business. Keep your mouth shut.

The correct answer? For the love of God, D! Just ignore the issue and move on. A, B, and C might be tempting, but it’s not worth it. Trust me. It’s really not.

We know what we look like. We know you notice. We know you’re just pretending not to see it. That’s ok! But for goodness sake, don’t lie, don’t exaggerate, and don’t joke without knowing her limits. A couple pun-ny quips? Probably acceptable. You might even get a laugh or two. She may even throw in a few of her own. But tread lightly. When she stops laughing, glares in your direction, or sighs and walks away? STOP! Just stop!

Another important fact to note: although the blemishes, sensitivity, and general bitchiness may indicate it’s that time of the month, that’s best left unsaid. You know. She’s knows. There’s really no reason to verbalize it. See again: Dire consequences.

End of hypothetical.

Any questions?

5 comments:

Brian and Rachel said...

Thank you so much for bringing a smile to my face on an otherwise not so pleasant day. That is not only funny but so true. Having just "been there, done that" recently I can happily say my husband is so good at D. I love him, he rocks!! And so do you for cheering me up!

Brian and Rachel said...

I knew there was a reason you are part of my favorites.

Desmond Goh said...

Thanks for the tips. Wishing You A Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year!!!

Anonymous said...

You are wise as well as witty ;o) (Liz @ This Full House)

Anonymous said...

They DON'T notice. YOU will be staring at that huge zit they have, or the dandruff in their hair, but them notice a zit on you? Naaah, unless you're married to a dermatologist or something.
Puhleeze. When I'm feeling ickiest is when my husband tends to look over at me and say "pretty!". He's seeing ME--and to him I look great.
Stop watching all those cosmetic commercials.....